#But I've been down because I realized that despite all my daydreaming

[middymod]

Dumb GotG headcanons

Gamora's hair becomes curly when she's happy (long term, not instant)

Zeihoberei do not have a term for facial hair (they don't have any). Therefore, Gamora refers to Peter's beard as "face fur".

Mantis uses her empath powers on others to get pumped up in battle

Gamora can see UV colors and therefore, could see how truly filthy Quill's ship was

Rocket sometimes ditches his clothes on Earth to pass as a raccoon and cause mayhem (untitled goose game style)

The first incident of Rocket pretending to be a raccoon on Earth was during the "Chicken Noodle Soup" incident.

Nebula constantly grows and loses teeth, like a shark

Since birthdays were not really a thing in the other Guardians' lives, Quill assigns them all birthdays at random dates (except Groot, his birthday is when he first started moving)

Peter and Gamora do some nearly acrobatic dancing when in private

Quill and Gamora both talk in their sleep. Sometimes, they end up having small conversations

Drax is colorblind

[strongheartneteyam]

Realize where you belong.

Chapter 9

Pairing: neteyam sully x female!dreamwalker!reader/female!human!reader

CW: wholesome fluff, a good amount of angst, lo'ak being nosy lol jk he's genuinely trying to look after neteyam, descriptions of masturbation, TRIGGER WARNING for mentions of depressive symptoms, reader meeting neteyam in her avatar body, neteyam and reader vent to each other about their struggles, sensitive themes, hurt/comfort, cuddling, sexual tension, kissing, sexual content, mentions of sexual fluids, neteyam slightly begging to mate with reader, foreplay (i don't know if it counts but it definitely is teasing in a sexual way). Tell me if I missed something ♡

Hello, my cute little readers! I got a little better in terms of my fibro flare up and have been feeling a little better emotionally/mentally these days, so, I was able to write again. There's a slight chance that some paragraphs are a bit confusing. I didn't fully proofread it. I'm sorry, my babies, I'm really tired right now, really achy, still. And I'm extremely hungry and there's some delicious homemade orange cake in front of me waiting to be eaten 😍 I've already eaten two pieces of it and drank a full cup of coffee with milk but I NEED to eat more bc I'm still starving and I love cake and coffee 🤤 idk about other countries but it's a tradition that we have here in Brazil to eat cake and drink coffee, together 🤍 anyways I gotta shut up now lol Hope you enjoy this chapter! I'd love to read your lovely comments down below 👉🏻👈🏻 I love y'all SO MUUUCH 😘 

Slightly proofread.

Chapter 8

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

No way out of your quicksand

But I can breathe underneath

Take your love, cover me

Pull me down, pull me down

You are wonderful

You've taken all of my heart

It was so worth the fall

Don't let go

Quicksand (Bridgit Mendler)

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

Today you felt anxious but excited. It was your first day off in a week. You were gonna Dreamwalk in your Avatar today. But you were not gonna be on a solo mission this time. Neteyam would be by your side. You two had planned to meet each other next to the river you always loved to play in. You had always loved running water.

Having Neteyam around felt like a breath of fresh air to you since you never truly felt at home amidst other human beings and, after so many years, it started to feel like a joke to you to insist on trying to fit into a society that seemed to not even want you there, in the first place. Most people behaved towards you like you were weird in some way. Neteyam never made you feel that way. You did not know if it was in view of the fact that he was na'vi or if it was just because he was in love with you.

You had always preferred to live among plants, insects, songs, books, animals… on your own little world, since you were a little girl. Everybody used to call you a daydreamer, saying you had your head on the clouds. When you were a child, you did not let that get under your skin. That's the beauty of childhood wonder, it has a lot of wisdom in it that we seem to forget, once we start growing up. Your little self never cared about those "demonstrations of care and concern" (that were nothing but condescending criticism and you never understood why people tried to conceal that fact if it was so obvious) because you knew you were not crazy or completely oblivious to reality like they used to say. Your fun and whimsical inner world was what felt like home to you, not the everyday mundane routine, the protocols that seemed ridiculously stupid to you, the shallow conversations and gossip… the over-all human society. It fucking sucked, if you were going to be totally honest. 

It's not that you hated your own kind. No. It's just that you hated the way they built their empires, throughout history, the tainted legacy the ancestors left for the ones to come in the future - like a dying Planet, for example -, because of their own stupidity and recklessness.

You knew you were not harming anyone - yourself included - despite always engaging in daydreaming, all alone, with your earbuds on or just staring at a beautiful landscape and your grip on reality was still in check. Your grip on reality was actually so tight, your fingers would get hurt and start to bleed sometimes, because reality is a double bladed sword. It keeps you safe and stable, it is needed for you to not go bonkers, but it also cuts you deep with its sharp edges.

༊⁀➷

Neteyam prepared to go out today to meet you during the day for the first time after the both of you became mates. It was just like Eywa had blessed him as he was able to finish all his duties to the clan and his training a little earlier than the usual today. Or maybe the Great Mother had nothing to do with it and it was all Neteyam making the greatest effort ever just to be able to spend some time with you in the daylight and finally see you in your na'vi body again. He missed seeing you like that. He missed the way your tail would wag softly showing you were feeling happy, he missed looking at your stripes and thinking they were the most beautiful stripes he had ever seen and most of all, he missed admiring the way you loved his planet, the way you respected and appreciated Eywa instead of hurting her.

When Neteyam was taking his bow and arrows and putting them on his back, ready to go into the woods to meet you, Lo'ak approached him, suspicious.

"Where are you going, bro?"

"To the forest. Maybe I can hunt for some food and if I'm lucky I'll bring us some good meat for dinner." Neteyam smiled and gave his younger brother a head pat, rapidly walking out of the Sully's hut door

Lo'ak wanted to yell something to his older brother, something like "I know there's something you're not telling me" but he did not. If Neteyam was hiding something, it would probably not be something that would harm him - Neteyam. Everybody knew how responsible - to the point of being annoying, sometimes - Neteyam was. Lo'ak used to get Neteyam into trouble all the time back when they were just teenagers and he was trying not to do that as much as he used to, even though he was not exactly doing a great job - he was doing a terrible job, actually - but he was still trying. He would still keep an eye on his older brother - "It seems like the tables have turned, huh?" Lo'ak thought - but he would leave him alone to do whatever he was going to do in the forest. He knew Neteyam did not have much free time for himself and he sometimes felt sorry for him, seeing him so tired and even stressed out really often because of his Olo'eyktan to be training and his responsibilities as the older brother. Lo'ak used to hold some grudges on his older brother when he was younger but now he understood that Neteyam actually struggled a lot too.

Neteyam pretended to not notice anything when he was leaving home but he did not fail to see the mistrust on Lo'ak's face. That was something he would have to deal with sooner than he wanted to, he acknowledged. He also thought about how his mother would react when she eventually finds out that her son, the future Olo'eyktan of their tribe, was in a relationship with a human girl. Neteyam did not want to disappoint his mother. He knew how proud she was of him and it hurt to think that she could start to think badly of him. He tried his hardest to whoosh those thoughts away.

༊⁀➷

The Pandoran sun shone bright up in the sky, its rays reflecting on your bioluminescent freckles, making them a little more evident on your skin. The soothing sound of the leaves dancing with the pleasant wind and the water running in the nearby river filled the atmosphere around you. You walked slowly towards Neteyam, adrenaline dancing around in your belly in a bittersweet motion.

When Neteyam looked at you, it was like lightning had struck him. Not a destructive kind of lightning but a good one, sweet in its intensity, falling strongly all over him. Neteyam was seeing you in your Avatar for the first time after you had become his mate.

Your mouth was somewhat open, revealing your upper teeth and your na'vi (Avatar?) fangs. Your gaze revealed how much you had anticipated that moment, how much you stayed up when you should be sleeping, thinking about finally being able to see the look in Neteyam's face when he saw you in your Avatar. You knew he had watched you while you were Dreamwalking too many times before but you never got to see the admiration in his eyes when he did so as he had been stalking you, not letting you know he was around. You had wished to see his beautiful golden eyes captivated by you for so long. You wanted to feel pretty and desired like that. And now you were finally experiencing it as Neteyam looked almost dumb with enchantment while he stared at you. But cute dumb, you know? So damn cute…

You stared back at him as you took the last steps towards the place where he stood, as if he was frozen.

Neteyam felt like he was not able to move as he took in how beautiful you looked. He had never seen your na'vi body so close to his own body and it felt overwhelmingly good to do so. His sweet yawne finally belonged to him and he could now touch you and hold you in the physical form he found you most beautiful in. It's not like he did not think you were madly beautiful and hot in your human body, he always wanted to pin you down and make love to you while he was close to your human form, but nothing compared to seeing you in your na'vi form, the form where you smiled the most, where you seemed so much more alive and full of lust for experiencing the world around you. That made you even prettier. Happiness looked pretty on you.

Neteyam was na'vi and his people did not have as many severe mental struggles like humans did but there were rare cases where some na'vi who went through terrible trauma in their lives did become uninterested in fighting their dark thoughts and they did become extremely depressed, though they could be cured from that illness through rituals that healed the spirit, performed by their clan's Tsahìk.

Neteyam was not blind or oblivious to things that were obvious to the naked eye. He knew that nobody would break down and cry as often as you did, only minutes after waking up in the morning, while getting ready for work etc if this person was not in an enormous amount of pain, the kind of pain that made them wish to disappear and never be found again. Thinking about his mate feeling that kind of sorrow made him feel like his heart was being torn into pieces, blood spilling from it like water spills from a fountain.

The reason why Neteyam was so determined to convince you to transfer your consciousness to your na'vi body forever was not some selfish wish, it was not just because he wanted to take you to his tribe and have you be his mate, be able to bond with you through tsaheylu every night and get to love your body, sharing his affection and sexual pleasure with you as well as feeling your own through the bond - even though that thought did wake up a raw, intense desire and need inside of him and he just could not stop himself from fantasizing about that while stroking his cock when he could be all by himself without any chance of disturbance. Neteyam also wanted to give you the opportunity to live a blissful and fulfilling life, a life where you would laugh way more often than cry. If he knew someone that deserved nothing less than that, that person was you.

If in the worst case scenario, you still felt so bad after you had your consciousness transferred to your na'vi body, Neteyam planned to ask his mother to perform a ritual that heals the spirit on you. Thinking about that, he suddenly felt anxious and he felt his heart tightening inside his chest. Neteyam had been trying not to worry about the fact that it would be extremely hard to convince his mother to accept you as his mate and perform the ritual of transference of consciousness on you but that thought had been eating him alive constantly, ever since he talked to you for the first time, outside of the laboratory’s kitchen window.

"Hi, muntxatan." (male mate) Neteyam's heart started beating quickly and it almost came out of his throat when he heard you calling him your mate in his people's language as you stopped in front of him and smiled widely, your eyes narrowing slightly. Those torturing thoughts about his mother trying to tear the both of you apart quickly were washed away from his mind by your presence. It was hypnotizing to him.

"Yawntu… You're just so beautiful. So insanely beautiful." Neteyam smiled, his eyes shining, still bewitched by you, and pushed you roughly against his body. He hugged you tighter than he ever did before since he knew he wouldn't hurt you by doing so when you're Dreamwalking. The size difference between the both of you was not that substantial anymore. His chin rested on the top of your head as he held you strongly against his body.

His roughness did not hurt you, on the contrary, it made you feel safe and protected to have his big - currently not huge, just big - arms around you, keeping your body close as your head was against his chest, your eyes shut and you could hear his heart beating fast. It made you indescribably happy to know that you were the reason for that quick heartbeat. You curled your lips up, smiling peacefully.

Peace. You spent so much time without feeling that but, after you accepted becoming Neteyam's mate, finally defeating your cruel fears, you started to feel peaceful way more often than you had ever felt in your life, even more often than you did when you were little.

Neteyam distanced your bodies a bit, still putting his hands on the sides of your arms, right below your shoulders and announced:

"Come! There's a place I wanna take you to." He took your hand and started walking in front of you, excitedly leading you somewhere 

"Where are you taking me?" You smiled and chuckled softly, curious

"You'll see." It was all he said

Neteyam made you feel excited about little things, like you were just a child again, a feeling you hadn't felt in so, so long. After Neteyam came to your life, it was like he painted vivid colors on your once all too white and dull canvas. You almost shivered at the reminder that you nearly ruined your chance to have a love so pure and true such as this one because of fear of the unknown and refusal of getting out of your comfort zone.

After walking through the rainforest with you for a little while, Neteyam stopped in front of a tall, large tree and you soon recognized it. Its branches had clusters that were full of some beautiful fruits that reminded you of blueberries that used to exist on Earth, before they went extinct.

"Here. Do you recognize this tree? I've seen you look at it so many times. Were you wondering if the yovo fruits are safe to eat?"

"Yeah." You smiled bashfully "They look delicious."

"And they are. They're safe to eat, yawne. We can eat some now, if you want to." Neteyam smiled kindly at you. The fact that he remembered small details about you made your heart melt. 

"I'd love that, Teyam."

Neteyam smiled, unbelieving.

"What did you call me?"

"Teyam…?" You furrowed your eyebrows "It's just a nickname I came up with for you… Do you hate it?" You contorted your features in a way that showed him you were feeling slightly insecure and embarrassed 

"No! I love it, yawntutsyìp! I love it." He smiled and chuckled "I just wasn't expecting it. I love that my muntxate is calling me by a special nickname. Feels intimate." Neteyam came closer to you and held your face with both his beautiful strong blue hands

You looked up at his face with doe eyes and waited as you knew what was coming. You could feel it. The sneaky butterflies started flying inside your belly again.

Neteyam kissed you slowly, crushing his soft wet lips against yours. He pressed his lips on your mouth again and again for a short amount of time but it was enough to make your legs feel weak.

"Come, oeyä muntxate. I'll help you climb the tree."

Neteyam did as he said and soon enough you both were sitting on the wooden "floor" of the tree, sharing yovo fruits and eating them.

You two started to chill and talk about everyday life. It felt so good. It felt familiar, just like any relationship you had had before with a human guy, but better. So much better. Your alien boyfriend - mate? It felt so weird to say it like that… - made you feel things that none of your ex human boyfriends could ever dream to do. Neteyam made you feel understood. He did not judge you. He made you feel at home. Neteyam was becoming home for you.

You started to tell him how sad and done with everything you sometimes felt. Well, not sometimes… It happened all the time, even though it got better now that Neteyam was in your life. But you did not want to make him worry about you.

"You know, sometimes I feel like that too."

"What do you mean?" You questioned

"Like there's so much chaos inside that I just wanna talk to someone and vent. But I'm always so busy. There never seems to be time to find someone to do that with."

You were slightly surprised. 

"Yeah, me too. Always too busy." You sighed "And exhausted, to be honest. Both physically and mentally."

"Well, I do have way more stamina than humans do" You laughed at Neteyam's teasing "But some nights I come home from training and after taking care of my siblings, really, really tired too. And I don't mean only physically."

"We have some stuff in common, don't we?" You pointed out, smiling

"We certainly do." He smiled back

You felt good knowing that.

Neteyam laid on the floor, right by your side.

"I'm full" He let out a laugh that sounded lovely in your ears while stroking his stomach.

"Me too." You laid on the floor too, just like Neteyam had just done. Your belly felt pleasantly filled up "But these fruits are so good I'd still eat a dozen of them." You playfully said, laughing

"Do you want more? I can get you some more." Neteyam gently offered

"No, it's okay, Teyam. I'm good for now." You smiled at him

Neteyam smiled back, showing no teeth, a soft, enamored look in his feline amber eyes.

You two spent some time together in comfortable silence.

"Oeyä muntxate?"

"Yeah?" You looked at him and let out a relaxed sigh, smiling softly

"Oel ngati kameie." He said, with vulnerable sincerity in his eyes

It seemed like he was gazing inside your very soul. Like his golden eyes could see something in you nobody else could. Like he saw who you truly were. Like Neteyam saw the good and bad and the ugly and the greatness and the doubts and the fears and the uniqueness and the ordinary parts of you, like he saw all of you, and it did not scare him off to see your dark side. You could feel he was staying for both your virtues and your vices. And maybe that's what "Oel ngati kameie" meant, when said to the one you're choosing to be your mate. Means connecting to someone in a raw, deep way, a way that nobody else is able to. A way that allows you to see the other person's flaws but not be afraid of them and try to find a way out. A way that allows you to see the grace in every little detail that that other soul has, to see the beauty in them that they themselves could never see.

"Oel ngati kameie…" You finally said, smiling, still not believing he had said those words to you

Neteyam smiled brightly while gazing into your eyes. He always looked deep inside your eyes… It felt almost too much but it still had just the right amount of intensity for it to be deliciously alluring instead of overwhelming.

Neteyam took your hand and intertwined your fingers on his. You felt the touch of his warm hand burning your skin in a pleasant way. After a few seconds, he kissed the back of your hand tenderly. You kept staring at both your hands glued together for a while.

"I wanna cuddle with you, oeyä muntxate." His voice brought your attention back to his face.

You could hear nervousness and need in his tone.

"Sure, yawne."

You were starting to really like calling Neteyam by na'vi pet names. The na'vi language was incredibly pleasing to the ears, in your opinion.

Neteyam started moving your body carefully, so you could lay on your side and when you obeyed, laying in said position, he himself laid on his side and pulled you in, making your body be as close to his as he could, your ass against his clothed member. 

Your lungs started to do a poor job at helping you breathe now that the both of you were so close. You got nervous as you two had, yes, cuddled before, when you were in your human body, but he was never behind you like that, his body glued to yours. You knew he could feel your ass on his cock. Your heart was beating at the speed of light.

It did not take long for you to start to feel Neteyam was now fully erect, his cock pressed against your ass. You felt the inner walls of your pussy start to twitch and you got all wet, your juices spreading over your panties. Neteyam was so big and thick and your body responded like crazy to him.

It was a violent, invincible desire that made Neteyam cling so much to you, all the time. It would burn his insides, making him yearn for you, for your touch, for your warmth. There was no rational explanation inside his head for it. Neteyam could not understand it, he could only feel it covering all his being, exuding from his eyes whenever he looked at you, touched you, kissed you… He knew you could tell how much he was thirsty for you almost all the time. But Neteyam did not care about being so vulnerable. He wanted you to know what you did to him. Maybe like that you would surrender sooner and give yourself to him completely already. He felt so impatient. Everyday it was getting harder and harder for him to not take you in his arms and mate with you. This wait was killing him, day by day. It was like a slow and agonizing death. And now that he could smell your sweet juices so vividly, he felt like he could no longer hold back.

Neteyam pushed you even closer to him. You whimpered softly, the feeling of his huge, girthy cock pressed against your butt was divine.

Neteyam got you crazily wet just so quickly that it never failed to surprise you. He was like quicksand to you; you could try and run as much as you wanted but you would always end up being swallowed by his love.

"I need you so much, muntxate…" He cried out softly in your ear while rubbing his hard cock on your ass. "You're all wet for me. You smell so good, it's intoxicating." He sniffed the air, savoring your natural scent just like it was the most mouthwatering thing he had ever felt filling his sensitive nostrils "Please, lemme make you mine completely, my sweet yawne. Please…"

༊⁀➷

Taglist:

@kitsunefirewail

@tumblingdevils

@a-blog-name-2003

@xylobee

@nerdybouquetofkittens-blog

@henhouse-horrors

@lala-1516

@xylianasblog

@samistars

@crazy4books1

@explosiongamora

@lik0

@your-girl-mj

@darktyrantwinner

@sereisstuff

@yeosxxx

@die4niyahhh

@iman-lu

@manumanulau

@im-in-a-pansexual-panik

@hana-yuri

@thehoneymushroomhealer

@melllinaa

@annaibansworld

@siriuslysmoking

@avatar4eva

@ellabellabus07

@badbishsblog

@neteyamsmate4life

@c-h-i-l

@criticallybella

@celi-xxmoon

[liliesdiary]

Stalker Jackson Rippner

Stalker!Jackson Rippner x You

Summary: Jackson Rippner has been stalking you for months now for a job, now that his job is done, he follows you in a dark alleyway and holds you at gunpoint as he fucks you. enjoy <3

Warnings: dubcon, stalker, mentions of stalking, threat kink, gun play, dacryphilia

Word Count: 800

Daydreaming about Jackson Rippner holding you at gunpoint and fucking you in a dark alleyway.

Your heart is pounding in your chest as you stare into the cold blue eyes of the stranger. His grip on the gun tightens as he leans in closer to you, his breath hot and rank against your cheek. You can feel the barrel of the gun pressing against your temple that makes you squirm. Your black heels make noises against the pavement as you try to escape his grasp.

"Hush now doll, if you scream I won't hesitate to put a bullet in that pretty head of yours." he says as he pins you to the wall and gropes you, "Fuck, you look so fucking hot trembling under me. Now be a good girl for me and stay still." His voice sends shivers down your spine. With one swift motion, he yanks the dress off of your body, leaving you completely exposed and vulnerable. You gasp in horror as his eyes roam over your naked body, taking in every curve and contour with a predatory hunger.

"You're so fucking beautiful, doll," he growls, his voice thick with lust. "I could have any woman I want, but it's you I crave. You're mine now, whether you like it or not."

His hands grab hold of your waist, pulling you closer to him. You can feel his erection pressing against your thigh, and the thought sends a shiver of fear and revulsion through you.

Your tears flow down your face as you beg and plead for mercy, but Jackson only laughs cruelly at your plight. "Oh, quit the act," he sneers, his grip on your hair tightening. "You think you can play this innocent act with me?"

With a swift motion, he shoves you against the wall, pinning you in place. You struggle futilely against his hold, but he's too strong for you. "I've been watching you for six months now, sweetheart," he growls, his breath hot against your ear. "I've seen everything. I know what you ate today, I know where you work at, and I know that you're wearing your favorite panties right now, the ones that drive me insane because fuck you look so good in them. And I know that deep down, you want this just as much as I do."

Before you could react he pulls back suddenly, revealing a twisted grin on his face. "And oh my, the type of porn you enjoy is vile my love." He chuckles darkly as he hears you gasp. "Well, guess what, princess? Today's the day we make all of your filthy fantasies come true."

Your heart races as you learn that this man has been stalking you for the past six months. He knows everything about you and it scares the shit out of you. You've always fantasized about being taken by a stalker, but now that it's happening, fear and excitement battle within you. As Jackson pulls his cock out, your body responds involuntarily, betraying your deepest desires.

He smirks at your reaction, knowing full well what he's doing to you. "See? I told you, you wanted this." he growls, his voice thick with lust. With one swift motion, he positions himself between your legs, pushing inside you without any warning or hesitation.

You gasp in surprise and pain as he begins to thrust into you, his movements rough and brutal. Despite the fear and discomfort, you can't help but feel a strange sense of pleasure building within you. It's unlike anything you've ever experienced before, and you find yourself responding to his every move. As he continues to fuck you, you realize that this is exactly what you've been craving all along. The thrill of danger, the feeling of being completely at his mercy... it's all too much for you to resist.

You moan loudly as Jackson continues to fuck you, his brutal thrusts sending waves of pleasure through your body. You can't believe how much you're enjoying this, despite the danger and fear that surrounds you. His cock slides in and out of your tight hole with a rhythmic precision, each thrust bringing you closer and closer to the edge.

As he pounds into you, he presses the gun harder against your head, making it clear that any attempt to resist will be met with a bullet in your skull. But instead of scaring you, this only arouses you more. The thought of being completely at his mercy, of having no control over your own body, is incredibly thrilling.

You can feel him getting closer, his breathing becoming more labored with each passing second. Suddenly, he groans loudly, his cock swelling inside you as he releases his load. Your body shudders and convulses as you experience an intense orgasm, your walls clenching around his cock as he spills his seed deep within you.

As he pulls out, you collapse onto the ground, breathless as cum drips down your thighs. He smiles down at you, his eyes filled with satisfaction. "I’ll be back soon, my doll.”

[our-aroace-experience]

Hi! I was on the asexual tag saw this blog and just wanted to see if anyone else who is aspec can relate to my ramblings. Rambling tldr: not claiming a label despite that label actually relating to my experiences because it just doesn't fit perfect enough and because it doesn't fit perfect enough in my mind I don't think I want to use it.

Now, back in 2020 I claimed being 'asexual' by name and then a couple of months later claimed being aroflux which eventually changed to 'greyaro' over a year later. And those two terms fit me the best, grey aro ace is me. However, because I'm greyaro I still feel romantic attraction though it is rare but its still present enough in my mind to continually be wondering about what label to put it as. For the most part, I don't have a label even when the attraction - romantic/sensual/alterous/aesthetic - arises. Which again doesn't rise often, but I daydream about it a lot or reminisce about old crushes - particularly the one about a girl way back in high school days. (Let me tell you that was a wild time in my mind). Back then I was thinking I was bisexual only to cancel it out because I didn't want to have sex with her. However I never questioned if I wanted to have sex with boys (I just assumed I would, thanks heteroallonormativity). But the romantic feelings I had for her were the same like the boy crushes (which came up every few years). And for a timeline purposes, before her my last crush (boy) was in the 7th grade, she was the 11th grade, and my last crush currently was senior year of undergrad college (the best one honestly I could actually talk to him and not be overly ridden with anxiety and embarrassment). And despite so many years passing I always wonder - does the bi label fit? Was that with her an bi experience? I know its whatever I feel like it was but also I'm wondering if my hesitation is because deep down having that bi label attached makes the 'im not straight' thought more permanent? If that makes sense? Like 'im not straight' in any way, not even hetero aro/ace? And maybe that thought just makes my head spin a little. I thought about the pan label too; but when I read the definition to see the differences between bi and pan I realized that pan definition doesn't connect the closest but bi does. However I still can't always make it fit. It's like when I was going by aroflux despite the fact it did not fit for me, it was clunky in my brain calling myself that. But then I read about grey-aromantic and it fit perfect! But not my romantic orientation is still in murky waters; I ID as a girl so for the most part of my life boys have been what I've been romantically attracted to, however hetero isn't me. I usually just go as fluid for all my attraction titles which I do like but that opens up more discussion of "okay, but who, what gender?" So in that case I guess bi would be the correct answer...despite the fact gender doesn't play a part (hence fluid label I go with and or queer) but it isn't all genders I fall for, I lean in some directions more than others. So it kind of does, doesn't it? But again I'm like "....meh it just doesn't fit/doesn't fit the way I want." And I am one of those people who agree that you don't have to use every label or any label including micro (for example, aegosexual I can relate to but I don't feel the need to have two microlabels) however, once I start thinking in depth I start to question myself as I do because I'm a thinker. And I think a lot because in real life I'm not in the space where I can speak about this openly with the people in my life.

Wonder if anyone else has had something like this on and off throughout their life too?

Thanks for listening~

you can be bi and greyromantic at the same time, if that helps! but not wanting labels is totally valid and if that feels best then go for it!

[blorboo]

I read this fic recently

and this was my reaction:

JWEIAORTHWERUSJKGNTRSRTGHSET

I WAS GOING FERAL WHILE READING THIS, LITERALLY PACING AROUND THE ROOM AND STUFF WHEN I SKIMMED THROUGH THE LINES AT FIRST 😭😭

I realize this is because of certain things.

1.) I am absolutely in awe with the characters-react-to-themselves-or-their-show concept. TMI but it's one of the things I daydream about while pacing around my room. SO YOU CAN IMAGINE MY EXCITEMENT WHEN I SAW SOMETHING LIKE THIS 😭😭

O.MY.GLOB. It was my first time reading something with this concept on a03 (granted, I have not been around much) but STILL!

WTF

AAAAAAAAAAAAA

when I saw the format, it was SO understandable. LIKE.

the way lines/scenes are quoted in bold and then how the characters' reactions are on a separate space. LIKE. YESSSSS. I UNDERSTAND WHAT'S HAPPENING, AND WHAT THEY'RE REACTING TO, ETC.

OMYGOSH. ATE.

honestly because of my own inclinations to this concept and how I have my own fanfictions playing in my head of a similar but ofc different nature,

I AM NOT KIDDING WHEN I SAY I PACED AROUND MY ROOM FOR A GOOD 2 OR MORE MINUTES AS I WAS READING IT

*calms down*

ok moving on.

2.) The use of words and diction is so straight-forward/concise, understandable and good (like as in the figurative language). I love the way the characters' reactions are described, and the explanations behind them. I especially like Dazai's reactions. I like the way he's described and how he's on the edge of his seat while watching.

3.) THE CHARACTERS. AND. their understanding of Akutagawa.

4.) This fic is so unashamedly, unapologetically, amazingly, self-indulgent.

I. FUCKING. LOVE. IT.

I could tell the author was enjoying herself while writing this. This was a work that the author made to enjoy.

I LIKE SELF-INDULGENT FICS cause you can let loose and literally go wild with anything without worrying too much about technicalities.

Like Mary. whose Mary?

She appears out of nowhere and lets the Agency watch the events of BEAST and it doesn't take long before they're all sat down together as though they're watching in a cinema. I think straight-forwardness is one of the writing's strength. like YESSS. GET STRAIGHT TO THE GOOD STUFF.

5.) The characters are canon compliant (mostly)

I LOVE IT WHEN the characters act like themselves! When their actions are things I can envision their canon counterparts doing.

ITS JUST SO..UGH. *chef's kiss* 🤌🤌✨

despite there being a few characters/moments that I've had gripes with, the internal conflict within and the reactions in general made it so enjoyable for me.

Just to name a few, Dazai, Kyouka, Kunikida, and Ranpo in particular stood out to me.

I like the part where Fukuzawa yells, "That's enough!" while 2 characters are arguing and they instantly stop. I think that is SO real. like. that's something that would DEF happen in canon. no one can change my mind. also that small gesture where Ranpo takes out his lollipop. love it.

****

This section is just JAIOERFHGWETIUHTRFHFG

when Odasaku entered the scene, I was LIKE

FUCK YESSSSSSS

LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOO

same here, Dazai. same here 😭😭

By the time I finished reading AND even as I was reading, I was already anticipating the reactions to certain scenes. How will Atsushi react when he sees himself? How will he react to that fucking cafe scene with Akutagawa? How will Dazai react when he sees Oda break his heart in BEAST?

as I retype this right now (because tumblr is a jerk and deleted my initial draft) even more ideas come to mind. What will yosano, fukuzawa, and everyone else say when they see Mori being a 'good' guy? When they see what Dazai is capable of?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

yes, im fine. im fine. im completely fine. im okay. thank you.

@hannigramislife

[got-into-worm-by-mistake]

Insinuation 2.4 Live Reactions

(This is me, writing reactions as I read, because why the fuck not. They're not complete, mature thoughts taken after I sit back and evaluate what I've read. Consider them as such)

Despite the way the conversation sounded, they were talking to me.  They were just pretending to talk to one another.  It was both calculating in how they were managing plausible deniability while at the same time they were acting totally juvenile by pretending I wasn’t there.  A blend of immaturity mixed with craftiness in a way only high schoolers could manage.  I would have laughed at the ridiculousness of it, if it hadn’t been at my expense.

In isolation, even at your expense, it's worth laughing at, but after a year and a half that includes all the other shit...

While this particular tactic was new to me, I’d been putting up with stuff like this for a year and a half, now.  At a certain point, I’d come to the conclusion that it was easier to sit back and take it, when it came to most things.  They wanted me to fight back, because everything was stacked in their favor.  If I stood up for myself and they still ‘won’, then it only served to feed their egos.  If I came out ahead in some way, then they got more persistent and mean for the next time.  So for much the same reason I hadn’t fought Madison for the homework she had taken from me, I just leaned against the wall next to the window and waited for them to get bored with their game or get hungry enough to leave and go have their lunches.

But maybe if you'd fought back sooner...

Maybe not, but passivity really didn't get you anywhere.

I was stunned.  I just couldn’t wrap my head around how he could just ignore this.  When he had been trying to help me, had he just been covering his own ass, doing what was required of him in the face of a situation he couldn’t ignore?  Had he just given up on me?  After trying to help, in his own completely ineffective way, after I turned his offer for help down twice, he just decided I just wasn’t worth the effort?

I'll pick option D, all of the above, with a side of E, Wildbow needs to make sure being Taylor is Suffering

But things didn’t work that way here.  Girls played dirty.  If I decked Emma, she would run to the office with some fabricated story, her friends backing up her version of events.  For most, ratting to the faculty was social suicide, but Emma was more or less top dog.  If she went to the principal, people would only take things more seriously.  By the time I got back to school, they would have spread the story through the grapevine in a way that made me look like a total psycho.  Things would get worse.  Emma would be seen as the victim and girls who had previously ignored the bullying would join in on Emma’s behalf.

Like, Presumably Taylor has some reason to believe this, but given how much people rag on fanfics for overstating how 'evil' the Principal is, etc, one wonders if this is really the case, or just Taylor thinking it?

I suppose we'll see.

“And she smells,” one girl said, lamely.

Aaaah, High School insults. Gotta love 'em.

No, my primary concern was getting out of there.  I wasn’t going to break the promise I had made to myself.  No using powers on them.  That was the line I wasn’t crossing.  Even if I did something utterly innocuous, like give them all lice, I didn’t trust myself to stop there.  I didn’t trust myself to keep from offering blatant hints that I had powers or spoiling my secret identity just to see the looks on their faces when they realized the girl they had been tormenting was a bona-fide superhero.  It was something I couldn’t help but daydream about, but I knew the long term ramifications would spoil that. Perhaps most important, I rationalized, was keeping the two worlds separate.  What use was escapism, if the world I was escaping to was muddled with the people and things I was trying to avoid?

and yet, by the time they do realize who you are, you don't have the energy to give a shit.

On the one hand, I do get why Taylor just doesn't give a fuck about Emma by then. On the other hand... it does feel like all this set up and then - nope, nothing. Or maybe it won't, by then. But The Trio seems to loom large in the fandom regardless. And lots of people are clearly unhappy they don't get their comeuppance.

Before the thought of going back to school had even crossed my mind, I found myself wondering what I was going to do to fill my afternoon.

Crime? Crime is good?

[pandagobrr]

The Circus Twins

Liam and Layla are twins who got adopted off the streets of a backwater town by a clueless circus performer, who, despite her reservations, actually turns out to be a pretty good mum. Although all is put to the test when the trio faces their greatest trial yet! The perils, of CAMPING!

@airlocksandaviaries

Fraternal twins Layla and Liam just had their 13th birthday! At least, they're pretty sure. Layla said that “age is just a number”, but to Liam, the fact that no one really knew how old they were, was unsettling, and yet another reminder of their strange circumstance. You see, more than a decade ago, a young circus performer found them out on the streets, and took them in, she didn't always know what to do, but darn it she always tried her best! And Liam was grateful she had found him, don't get me wrong here, he didn't know what would've become of them if she hadn't taken them under her (slightly lost) wing. But… he'd always thought… what could've been. If he'd had a stable home, one that didn't move around every week, would be more put together? Less anxious or on edge all the time? If he'd been able to enroll in school, would he fit in more around the other kids? Maybe actually make a friend or two before moving away again? Actually talk to someone other than his sister and the circus artists? If their caretaker hadn't been trying to raise a family on a performing arts budget, would they actually be able to get nicer clothes once in a while? Something that wasn't a hand me down for once?

Layla often teased him when she found him daydreaming of these melancholic musings, told him he needed to “lighten up” once in a while. Yeah right, coming from the girl who swings up into the air from a 30 foot platform! I think there may be such a thing as “too loose” and he intends to stay firmly on the other side of that line.

Layla had always been more comfortable in their surroundings than her twin brother. Although she often gave him a hard time about his anxious nature, she loved her little noodle, as she so affectionately called him, because his limbs were more akin to uncooked spaghetti than anything resembling a muscle. Liam groaned, when would she stop embarrassing him in public?? It wasn't his fault he wasn't exactly athletic... Or coordinated... He had other strengths okay?! And unfortunately not being immune to motion sickness was not one of them...

He was almost certain she was gonna get them both killed with her reckless escapades, there was a reason he never wanted to join the acts!! He like to keep his limbs firmly attached to his body thank you very much. Away from crazy aerial stunts and fire manipulation that (in his opinion), could only end in disaster.

Liam had been tricked into his fair share of stunts. He really tried to be on guard, but Layla had a knack for being sneaky and Liam wasn't what you'd exactly call... "Observant". But it didn't matter how many times he'd felt the terrifying rush of adrenaline right before he realized what was going on, he never really got used to it, he'd seen and lived around these acts almost his whole life and still every single time his sister managed to trick him, she would nearly traumatize him after the fact. He could hardly stand up on his own two legs, which just gave Layla more ammo for the noodle accusations.

Layla chuckled and sighed, a mischievous glint in her eye. "You'll always be my little noodle, whether you like it or not."

Liam (exasperated): "we're the same age!!"

Layla (smug, teasing): "you don't know that, I've always felt that I'm the older, more responsible of the two of us

Liam: "you are the walking definition of the word 'irresponsible'"

Liam hadn't really ever told anyone how much he disliked their day to day, he didn't want to seem childish or ungrateful. But it all the people, the noise and the bright lights that caused him to be up in the unholy hours of the morning, not to mention the heat, that made him feel like he was losing his mind, at times. He was constantly exhausted, something that came up to the forefront every time the circus took a few months off to learn new routines, and he would spend almost the majority of the day sleeping. Those were good months, even if Layla compared him to a sloth more often than he would've liked...

It was on these breaks that Eliza would sometimes pull away from work for a bit, and take Layla and Liam out to go camping. It was good, wholesome, and most importantly, free (although Eliza tried to downplay that part of her reasoning cuz Liam had a tendency to stress about money) family bonding time!

Layla loved being out in the nearby woods, there was so much free space! Trails to hike! rocks to climb! Brothers to annoy!

And just the views from some of those trails were absolutely breathtaking, even Liam cracked a smile sometimes, even if he might have been a little out of shape. Layla might give him a hard time about it, but she loved her little noodle, even if she had to put up with his complaints about the lack of beds and running water.

Layla (chuckling): “Come on! We're in the great outdoors for crying out loud! Loosen up a little!”

Liam (panting): “There's a reason the outdoors is supposed to stay outdoors y'know! The indoors is quite preferable!”

There happened to be one hike where you had to boulder up a 45 degree incline of very large rocks, it was almost like rock climbing without a harness or anything like that. Layla was stoked! And while Eliza has her reservations about Liam making it up the hill, he was not one to be underestimated, so he put his all into it, and I gotta say, she was impressed, they both were. Liam might not have been extremely athletic, but boy was he competitive, and he managed to keep up with the both of them for the first little bit, but Eliza kept asking if he was okay, because he did not look okay. He was sweating profusely, and she could see his hands shaking as he pulled himself up one of the larger rocks, wheezing a bit as he struggled to catch his breath, HE WOULD NOT ADMIT TO WEAKNESS! It was PREPOSTEROUS! He was FINE! (He was very not fine, but he needed to show Layla just his once that he could do hard things too!!)

One other thing though, along with being competitive, Liam was also incredibly stubborn. He hauled himself up another rock, his vision blurring slightly. Layla watched him, torn between pride and worry. She was surprised at how far he was going, and his pace was phenomenal, but he looked like he was about to burst.

Eliza (very concerned): "Liam please, let's go back down! We don't have to do this!”

Liam (voice straining): “NO! If you can do it, (voice straining a lot more through gritted teeth) So. Can. I-”

All of a sudden the rock Liam was holding onto slipped from under his fingers and he fell through the air, tumbling down the side of the mountain, every slam of his body into the rocks, an excruciating jab at both his body, and his already fragile sense of confidence. Eventually, he managed to grab onto a small wayward tree growing up through the rocks, dangling precariously close to the edge of the cliff, screaming and crying, gasping for breath, adrenaline pumping through every fiber in his body.

"LIAM!!!" Eliza shouted, dashing toward her son. She kneeled down to the side of the rock where Liam was, and outstretched her hand towards him. "LIAM! TAKE MY HAND!!"

Layla, immediately sensing danger, went and grabbed her mom's ankles, lest she fall too. Rule number 1 of performing dangerous stunts, always have a spotter.

Liam struggled to grab his mom's hand, but eventually, after a lot of straining from the both of them, Eliza managed to grab hold of his hand and heave him up onto the solid ground once again.

Everyone collapsed onto the ground. Liam was wheezing, and shaking, and also looked like he was about to throw up. Layla stood up triumphantly, declaring “WE DID IT!” to no one in particular. Eliza helped Liam up and they started the walk back down.

Liam... may or may not have thrown up on the way back. One minute he was stumbling along on the trail which had gotten relatively flat by now, and the next thing he knew was doubled over the dirt retching his guts out.

Although after he had caught his breath and wiped his mouth he insisted he was fine, and could walk back on his own, but Eliza wasn't having it, he was in no way, shape, or form, "fine" by any definition of the word. His legs were like jelly and his hands were shaking like a leaf in the wind. Liam protested vehemently, but Eliza scooped him up off his feet and into her arms, walking back towards their campsite. Liam wanted to protest, but honestly, there was something so comforting about being held in her warm grasp, something that made him want to fall asleep right here and now.

Eliza (cooing): "awwww, it's just like when you were little..."

Liam (tired): "What?"

Eliza: "You don't remember? Oh, you were my little limpet." She snuggled Liam closer to her face, which he tried to resist, but it was oddly endearing.

Eliza: "Couldn't leave you alone for two seconds, or you'd cry and demand to be held again."

Liam grunted, feeling indignant, yet a warm softness prying into his heart.

Layla added on, "Oh yeah! I remember that! You'd even wait outside the door when she went to the bathroom. She was bouncing you on her hip for as long as she could hold you." Layla sighed, "You were cute."

Liam rolled his eyes, and muttered something about not being cute, but deep inside he really appreciated the warmth and comfort, it gave him a sense of security often not found in his environment. Even if he did feel a bit like a child at the moment…

After everyone has gone to bed, Eliza laid down on her sleeping bag, her memories drifting back to nearly a decade ago, just a few weeks after she found her kiddos, overwhelmed and incredibly sleep deprived. Bouncing Liam on her hip while she rocked Layla to sleep, she chuckled, that little ball of energy had been a force of nature. As clingy as Liam had been, little Layla had been a tornado of activity. It was a good thing the circus was quite adept at keeping little kids entertained, or she might have never gotten a moments peace. And then there were the moments when Liam came to her in the middle of the night, tears running down his cheeks, telling her how scared he was. Her heart melted as her eyes settled upon his terror streaked face. She picked up her little guy, and snuggled him into bed with her. He'd always worm his way in-between her arms, his warm breath against her neck almost making her forget how cramped it was. They were small cots, but they were warm, and they were soft, and in them, she could cuddle her scared little baby to sleep, and that was that mattered.

[clearlynotjanus]

[leans into the mic hesitatingly. a loud screech of feedback is heard as i try to speak]

uhhhh hello? anyone still......here? hard to see the audience past the stage lights, you know how it is.

i haven't thought about this fandom in over a year. while writing my last loceit fic, i got very overwhelmed with how bogged down with terminology & lore & my general wordy writing style that i burned out of finishing the last chapter. at the same time, my partner & i rediscovered another anime...& when our hyperfixation there ended, we got into ffxiv... then bg3... & now dragon age... i've always disliked that about myself. never able to stay in one place long enough to feel like i've left an impact or had done anything interesting.

but i got the kindest comment of my ao3 history the other day on that abandoned loceit fic & i've been ruminating on it since. the person talked about how, despite it not being finished, they still thought about it at least once a month & came back to read it with excitement from time to time. i thought of all the fics i do the same with & compared myself to them... ofc there's a lot to be said about not treating fanfic authors or "fandom famous" people differently than anyone else, because online numbers are fake & all that, but there's an undeniable admiration, i think, we all have for people with "large accounts" or high kudos counts or exceptional artistic talent that we feel we don't compare to. i thought of myself in that lens for a moment, as someone who wrote something impactful enough to leave that lasting of a mark & it made me so happy. i felt fulfilled by it.

writing has always been my one talent, i've always thought it was the only thing i was destined to be good at. my opinion of my writing has hit peaks & valleys in my life of course, we all go through self doubt & ego issues, but at the end of the day, writing has been the one constant about myself. the one thing i've always wanted to challenge myself with, the one thing i could go back to, if nothing else. home.

with the current state of my country (america, unfortunately) i've started to think that my fantasies of writing anything "worth" reading are futile. it seems insignificant in the grand scheme, to create art when the world is ending. i never dreamed about any aspiration in my own lifetime. i've always wanted to leave something behind worth analyzing. worth talking about. worth exploring. sitting in various liberal arts classes in my life, i always daydreamed about one of my stories being the subject matter someday. long after i was dead. it's dismal to think that it might not be my own inability to create something worthy that prevents that daydream from coming into fruition.

every other queer person is rallying. they're brave for it but i can't bring myself to join the movement. not that anything i say or do will be monumental of course, but no one knows how big of a thing is going to come out of this. the little people might be caught up in it too. someday soon, sites like ao3 & tumblr may be gone, or at least inaccessible for americans. & that's terrifying. so i think of the person who left that lovely, inspiring comment on a fic i hadn't thought about in over a year, instead. because even if i never accomplished any of my bigger goals with my writing, i did, at least, leave a little bit of an impact & that has to be enough.

i want to say that i'll finish that fic in honor of all this. it feels right to say that, but with everything going on, i don't know if it would be the truth. i have a commission currently, & i've buried my head in the dragon age sands for now. i want to. i reread the whole fic & my notes from it for the last part & it's good. it's better than i remember it being, & i want to finish it. but as most of you have realized by now, i'm very bad with promises lmao

i do miss this fandom though, everything else aside (asides lmao) i had some good friends here before i burnt out & burned my bridges about it. i'm sorry for that. i hope everyone here has been doing better than me at least

[woozis-boy]

Hii. I just came across your blog and I have a couple questions..

How old were you when you realized you were a regressor? Because I think I might be one, but I’m only fifteen so maybe I’m too young to regress. And how do you know when you slip? Because some times when I’m tired I get giggly and babble but idk what that really means.

And whenever I read age fics about kpop groups, the reader always regresses with a member or their cg but I don’t have one. Do you find it hard to regress when alone? And how do you know how old you are when in little space?

I know I have a lot of questions but I’m scared and confused and I’ve never talked to anyone about it so I was hoping I could talk to you.

But I love you find so much comfort in Woozi, I do too, he makes me feel safe and protected☺️

hey there!! I'm so glad I made you feel safe enough to ask all this, I hope I can help you out.

my journey as a regressor, I think I was doing it for a long time before I made the connection and before I even knew what it was. I only admitted it to myself that I regress coming up on two years ago now, but I was writing agere fanfiction back in 2018, and de-aging fanfic probably about 13 years ago. The first time I came across anything agere related was when I was 15-ish, so about your age. I'm 27 now. But I think I have some foggy memories of being much younger than that and showing signs of regressing. I've seen other age regressors that are younger than you and active in the community, too. Obviously there's a limit to how young you can be to regress to certain ages (You can't regress to being mentally 8 when you are physically 8 lol) and I don't know how young you go but I doubt that's a problem here haha.

For me, I can tell when I'm regressing by how I feel and think. I feel giddy and bubbly in a way I don't when I'm big, and always kinda pouty. And I have a bit of a lisp struggling with R's and L's, and my balance is worse, so I'm wobbly. I tend to want to curl up in someone's arms and get cuddles and just be held and doted on and loved... But I don't have a caregiver, either. So I settle for daydreams. Lots of them. A lot of them with Seventeen and Woozi and Joshua giving me the parental love I never got as a kid, and the safety I never had.

Honestly, a lot of figuring out my age is just vibes and a gut feeling. Sometimes it's easier, like if I want a sippy, or I want to run around outside and play. But most of the time I just play around in my head with how I feel calling myself certain ages and figure it out on what feels right.

It can be challenging to regress on my own, especially if I'm stressed from work (these last couple of weeks have been brutal tbh), so admittedly sometimes I have to calm myself down with big-me techniques like meditating or something in order to be able to indulge in my main coping mechanism hahaha. And sometimes I don't even regress at all, despite my best efforts. But focusing on just trying for a little bit even helps me relax some!

It's okay that you're scared about this. I was too and I think that's why it took me like 10 years to admit I was doing it! And even then, buying my first pacifier was terrifying. Letting myself try intentionally regressing was the scariest thing, and if I hadn't have been mid-panic attack and desperate for relief, who knows if I ever would have! But it's going to all be okay, and YOU are going to be okay. If it helps, it helps, and if it doesnt, it doesn't, and that's okay.

All this is from my perspective of doing it as a coping mechanism and reclaiming a childhood lost to bad things, but if you're doing it for fun or just because it feels good, that's okay too! That's why I regress most of the time tbh. It's so fun and relaxing to just kick back and color with my paci and some Blues Clues. Half of the reason I'm looking forward to moving out is because I'll be able to regress whenever I want and not have to hide it. So whatever your reason for regressing, totally valid. You don't even need a reason!

I hope this has helped in any way 🥺 Feel free to message me whenever you need or if you have more questions! I may be a tiger cub when I'm tiny but I can be a papa bear when I'm big, so I'll be happy to help you with whatever you need 😊

(Also yeah! Safe and protected is also exactly how I feel about Woozi 🥺 I call him eomma in my headspace for a reason lol. I'm sooo glad you get it!!!)

[kwiecista]

What are some of the things you’re looking for in a partner now that you didn’t prioritize in the past?

Do you really want me going down the road of past relationships and dwelling on what could and should have been different? Because that is a dangerous road and not one that you really need to hear. There's a gate on that part of my story for a reason.

[A wistful sigh. Despite these protests, she has already fallen into the well of memories. She avoided coming to this well, worried that if she looked too deep, she would fall and drown.]

Something that I'm looking for in a partner now that I didn't prioritize in the past? I've realized how important it is to have someone who makes me feel weak. Now, before you start, let me explain.

I've spent my whole life being strong. Sometimes, I wonder if I know anything else... If I know how to be weak. I don't let anyone push me around. I will always stand up for myself and fight to my last breath. I've done it before, and I'll happily do it again.

But, I have to admit, it gets exhausting sometimes. Always relying on myself, that is. There are times when I just want to lie down and close my eyes until it's all over. But that just isn't who I am. Because if I don't take care of myself and my own interests, who will?

Hopefully, this hypothetical partner. I know that you don't just start out putting your full faith into someone, at least I don't. No, he would have to earn my trust and prove himself reliable enough to see my complete and vulnerable self. He will have to build that track record over time and prove that I can trust him with my interests so that I can believe him when he takes me in his strong, loving arms as he strokes my exhausted face and whispers, ❝You don't need to be strong now. You can rest for a bit. I can be strong enough for both of us and I will take care of you.❞

[Her cheeks turn pink as she pulls herself out of her thoughts.] Oh dear, I went off into a daydream, didn't I?

Well, I'll leave you with a practical piece of advice to make up for that. These people do exist. I've met them. But they are few and far in between. So when you do come across them, do everything in your power to hold onto them. And if you're lucky, they will stick with you. And if you're luckier still, they will eventually come to see you the way that you see them...

I know that was only one thing, but do you really need more?

[marshmallowprotection]

Hi Kait! How have you been? I don't know if you remember me, but I'm the same anon who came up with the idea of ​​Ray's Assistant in a relationship with the SE System.

Your response put a huge smile on my face and made me lost in daydreams, thousands of scenarios came to my mind and I needed to write them down—Being honest, I've considered making a fanfic about it, but secondly I haven't played Ray's Route, so I don't entirely trust my characterization of him and Suit, and firstly, well, SE Ray and Grave are pretty much your OCs and I wouldn't feel right doing it without consulting you first.

However, I didn't come here to talk about it but about the Secrets Endings-

You see, I'm relatively new to the Mystic Messenger fandom. I heard about the game when I was younger, but since I didn't have the means to play it back then, I quickly forgot about it, and it wasn't until earlier this year that I rediscovered it.

When something catches my attention, the first thing I do is get as much information about it as I can, not caring about spoilers in the case of series and video games. So, putting Mystic Messenger in the tumblr search engine I found your blog and, well... I love character analyzes—exploring their minds, find the reason (or at least try to understand) why they are the why they are and why they do what they do helps me to connect with the characters, discovering both good and bad traits of mine in their ways of being, and your analyzes of Saeran are so amazing that I ended up falling in love with him and your writing!

And I just completed the Secret Endings, which only served to position Unknown and SE Saeran in first place in my top favorite characters.

I have so many things to say, not only about him, about V and Saeyoung as well.

V is someone I have mixed feelings for—As character, he's excellent, as person, I want to slap him. I don't hate him, I can sympathize with him in certain ways and I cried because of it on more than one occasion during the first Secret Ending, I still don't like him though.

He upsets me, both with what he says and what he doesn't.

He feels responsible for Rika's actions, I get it, but how does he not realize the damage his "I'll take all the blame and consequences on my own" mentality causes? Yoosung, Jumin, Saeyoung, and Saeran—He hurts them all with his silence.

Despite everything, I have to admit that his death left me with a strange void. Look, during the ENTIRE game I accumulated this distrust and anger towards him, to which pity was added thanks to the SE.

I have thousands of questions, a lot of criticism, the desire to understand his motivations, and the little, stupid hope that maybe, just maybe, he can redeem himself-

But none of that matters because the bastard is dead.

I can't interrogate him, I can't yell and hit him, I can't give him a second chance because he's dead—Saeran killed him, and there's a little voice in my head telling me he deserved it.

He deserved it, for fostering in Rika the thought that her mental instability was 'beautiful'.

He deserved it, for not going to Jumin and telling him what was happening, even knowing that that man would move heaven and earth for his friends' well-being.

He deserved it, for not let know Saeyoung about the kidnapping of his twin.

He deserved it, for continuing to defend Rika even when she brainwashed hundreds, maybe thousands of people, locking up Saeyoung, Vanderwood, and MC, and destroy the sweet child she promised to care for.

He deserved it, so why did I shed my tears for him?

I could sit on my bed and think about it until I find an answer, but I can't waste my time like that when Saeran is here—Finally, he's here. He's alive, he's furious, he's depressed, he's confused, and I want to hug him and reassure him that everything will be okay, but I know it's not that easy.

...Is this how Saeyoung feels during all of this? Does he also feel this anger, this inexplicable sadness, this dissatisfaction, this feeling of relief?

Saeyoung needs a hug too. And I want to cuddle with him, caress his hair, kiss his forehead, let him know that he has my full support and that one day we will be happy, the three of us. But at some point my affection for him became something brotherly, and yes, I want him to love and be loved, to have his wedding on the space station, just not with me, not anymore.

I can relate to him on a personal level in this situation—I also have a sister with poor mental health, and she may not be at Saeran's level of instability, but she still has zero self-esteem and suicidal thoughts, and having someone you love in such condition is not easy.

Seeing Saeyoung begging Saeran not to leave him, that he's here for him, that they'll get through this together hit too close to home. But Saeran's refusal to listen to him, although understandable, was killing me, because just thinking about my sister reacting like that to me...

Some of the things Saeyoung said, however, made me uncomfortable.

They made me uncomfortable because they're exactly the kind of things I keep to myself knowing they might sound selfish to my sister's ears. When he talked about how time is a social construction? "Don't say things like that, it's not that easy," was what I thought, and Saeran shouted similar words.

Still, I admire his strength, because if I were in Saeyoung's place, I would have cried almost the entire time.

Now, Saeran...

Oh, Kait, you have no idea how much I love his voice. Some people say it doesn't suit the character, but for me it fits perfectly, Sujin Kang's performance is worthy of a standing ovation.

You can feel his disbelief as he sees V in that cabin, and how his reality crumbles as he cries "Savior! Savior!" when Rika refuses to give him answers. When he compared Saeyoung dragging him into the bunker with his mother locking up and Rika isolating him it was like someone had taken my heart in hand and squeezed it, he sounded so hopeless...

By the time Saeyoung stopped him from ending his life, I was sobbing silently. I cried in every episode of the second Secret Ending and always because of Saeran, even now my eyes fill with tears thinking about everything he had to go through.

I don't think I can say anything about our boy that you haven't said before, but I can assure you that my love for him is stronger than ever and that my new understanding of his mental state is going to drown me in sobs.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to reread Iris and cry about it properly.

Have a good night!

Jihyun is a complicated, multi-faceted character. He and Rika both did things that furthered the worst case scenario, and frankly, they brought out the worst in each other time and time again. I find him interesting, and frankly, he's my third favorite character because of how complex he is. Though, I hardly get to discuss it because V and Rika, both, are talked about in the sense of extremes rather than the realm of discussing how they both hold blame and fault.

Their relationship was mutually toxic and abusive. They were using each other for the wrong reasons and their relationships spiraled out of control because what they thought was love was actually idolation and obsession. V will keep his promise to never let go of someone to make up for what happened to his mother, and the only route where he is able to fully overcome that without hitting rock bottom, is in his own route.

Ray Route and Seven Route are the worst case scenario for Jihyun Kim.

Because he is immediately forced into a position where he has no choice but to decide what he wants to do with himself, and he will choose to regress into his mistakes every time instead of pulling out of them. It's one of the reasons why I like his character so much.

When you think he's going to finally help himself and make the right decision, he regresses, unfortunately, and that's human. All of these characters have moments where they regress or they struggle, and that's what helps them feel human, even if it's frustrating. We all have moments in our life like that, and we're not proud of it.

But, hey, the world isn't perfect and we can make mistakes despite our intentions.

I've loved Saeran since 2016, but let me tell you, SE Saeran means so much to me. It can be tough to play through the Secret Endings because I know exactly what he's feeling and I know where he's been. Looking at him sometimes it's like looking in a mirror, and there is comfort in knowing that he knows what it feels like to not have control over his situation, because sometimes all you want is to be understood by something you love.

Even if you can't find that in the real world, seeing it in the media means that your experience is something that can be understood and someone will get you someday, and smile at you the way you want. 

It just goes to show that we can learn a lot from the things we love. Sure, you related much more to Saeyoung in this situation, but playing this allowed you the opportunity to see more of what it must feel like to be in your sister's shoes. I think the great thing about emotionally charged games like this is that it gives us the opportunity to better understand not only ourselves but the people around us. Because I think the best way to learn and grow is to continue to seek out things that make us see ourselves in a way that may not be comfortable, but gives us a chance to face what needs to be faced. 

Iris is a labor of love so I am happy to hear that you enjoyed that story in particular. I always wanted to write an assistant timeline for Unknown outside of the confines of the one I created for my MC. That story was the one I always wanted to write and even to this day, I'm happy I wrote it. 

That little plot twist at the end is my favorite part because there are bits and pieces that give you hints about what's going to happen once you get to those last few chapters, but I made them sparingly appear in the strangest places so it would come to the reader as a surprise. 

[mister13eyond]

oh my god. i have been having fun with your diadop art here for a while but i somehow didn't realize you also write fics until now and i'm shocked: all my favorite diadop fics are apparently written by you and i just didn't connect your tumblr and your ao3 even tho you have the same name! like how am i so dumb but also how are you so good in everything you do to them? please never stop playing with our favorite pink gays. you do it better than anyone.

WAAAUUUUW THANK YOU, THIS IS SO KIND AND I'M SO HAPPY TO HEAR THAT YOU LIKE MY FIC AS WELL AS MY ART AHHHH

i'm so so glad you've enjoyed my diadop writing! it's kinda wild because i have never been much of a prolific writer, but these two Did Something to my brain and completely altered my brain chemistry until suddenly i was writing about them left and right, it's been such a joy

it's a little bittersweet saying so now, since I've kinda felt my creative drive around diadop simmer down into a peaceful slumber (despite my affection for the characters remaining Strong.) these days I'm not 100% sure if or when my inspiration to work on some of my fic about them will come back, which i know is probably super disappointing to people who love my work about them. it's a little sad to me, too, since i still adore them so much! i don't know if or when i'll pick back up any of the things i was writing about or daydreaming about with these two, but the silver lining is that i've had a lot of passion for original stuff lately, and that stuff WAS inspired by and kicked off by the seeds of ideas that were built around diadop! and i still love them so absurdly much and probably always will- some characters just stick with you forever, and i've Never had the kind of passion and creative output I had with these two in any previous fandom, so i'm like.... insanely thankful these two pink men changed my life so much? like. how is it these two pink gangsters gave me THIS MUCH passion and joy, wtf

which is all to say- thank you so so so much for enjoying my work of them, and I can't believe i got to make so many things that people love and are responding to just because i love some silly imaginary criminals! thank you for loving them too!!!

[vacantgodling]

🏃‍♂️, ✨,🩸 and 🎬 for Vampires Don't Take Road Trips !!

HENRIKE!! thank you ahhh

🏃‍♂️ What is the driving force behind the story?

lmao basically an incel is causing problems on purpose. like that's literally why all the events in the story happen--because a man who felt like he was entitled to a woman started fucking around and generations later we are Still dealing with the bullshit.

✨ Describe the story with one word, aesthetic, or picture

idk if this makes sense but this is just what i think of when i think of this wip

🩸 Are the protagonist’s stakes emotional, or physical? What are they?

so for darren, its a bit of column a and a bit of column b lol.

physically there is technically a man out there who wants him dead-who wants his father and his brother dead, and will kill pretty much anyone who gets in the way of doing that. so that's great :)

emotionally, there's a lot of family drama that all of this has caused. the rift between his mother and father, the rift between his extended family and his immediate family, the joys of realizing you aren't even human and having to grapple with what all of that means SO. emotionally despite being pretty stable darren has a lot going on.

🎬 Have you daydreamed about an amv/animatic for your wip? Describe it!

sorta! i think the only main scene that i've really thought about in any detail in an animatic type of way is when darren confronts the Actual Main antag--and he's like tied/chained up and vlad is uhhhhh (without spoilers) having a Bad Time. and he finally kind of explains how all of this started and why he's been hunting them down etc etc and darren literally pauses for a second. there's quiet. and then darren just YELLS "THAT'S IT. YOU'VE RUINED MY FAMILY FOR SOMETHING SO FUCKING STUPID?" and it makes me laugh every time. bc tbh despite the drama this scene is supposed to be kind of funny because it really is that dumb.

[myloveletter]

Just Beyond My Reach - My Assassin (by Mismatch-lover on ff.net)

The fic that made me want to actually post stuff on tumblr because I'm a massive yapper. God this is so embarrassing now that I'm at my laptop. And to start: SPOILERS for the fic, obviously. I am NOT a writer, I just daydream and have a bunch of ideas all the time. I also don't use tumblr. I just needed a place to yap.

Some kind of tags I might mention: This mentions some kind of cheating & death in the story + MENTIONS of sex bc Ezio, but nothing explicit at all (Which is why no content filter). And I am a slut for angst and some misunderstandings.

link to the fic:

As a background: I first read this when I was young dumb and inexperienced. However, despite not fully understanding this one fully at my age, I loved it. It was the first long fic that I committed to, the one that fully sent me into a love for Assassin's Creed, and the very first fic that I've actually loved. I'm on my second re-read, which might not be a lot to be honest, but I never really re-read things. At least not at this moment. But honestly I love this story to death. Now I'm a lot older and actually have some sort of Maturity and Experience in life, I feel like I can appreciate the story a lot more. Now, I know that after like 12 years, they might think that the story is cringe. I mean, their profile literally has a rewrite of the same story. But holy shit does this story mean so much to me. Literally one of my clearest memories I have is of me sitting at the edge of my bed, running late for school, my mom calling for me but I was absolutely hooked on the fic. Yes I ended up late for class. I also ended up late for the entirety of my senior MS year, AND all of high school so.

As of right now, I'm on chapter 17 / 44 on the re-read. And I don't really know where to start. I'm going off a review I already posted onto FF.net, but it's still going to be messy because I'm messy LMAO

Narnia had FINALLY started to open up a bit and trust Ezio romantically. They've shared a few hesitant kisses. And god- that one scene where she is emotionally vulnerable and asks if she can trust him. I don't know about you, but as someone with MASSIVE trust issues, this hit. And it hit HARD. Like I'm in physical pain because. Ouch. Not to mention, my memory is shit but I'm pretty sure she even told him not to leave her. And that?? Fucking FLASHBACKS to Fredrico. Dude they could've had something great, but then he kinda, yk, died (RIP. I can understand why they killed him off early but OUCH MAN. And look: I can understand that yes at this point Narnia and Ezio haven't made it official and exclusive yadda yadda, but that does NOT MEAN. EZIO CAN JUST KISS NARNIA. AND THEN FUCK A GIRL BEHIND A BUILDING OR SOMETHING. ARE YOU SERIOUS.

LAST time I reread this, and even the first time, I had to put my phone down after this. Like, I could NOT believe the AUDACITY OF THIS BITCH. Sure, he's a playboy and such, literally Narnia calls him out for being a whore, but DUDE. YOU CAN'T JUST., DO THAT TO NARNIA. She's been with you for YEARS. She SLAVED away healing you for MONTHS. She shed TEARS over you, and it's pretty much established that both of them would fucking break if they ever lost each other. I mean, Ezio fucking admitted being afraid he would lose her during the drowning incident. And of course that wasn't like totally romantic, but it was fucking something. And not to mention when he got badly hurt, the whole "I don't like your tears" or something about the story her tears tell??? AND THEN YOU MAKE HER CRY? BRO. B R O.

Okay, another thing I did say in my review thingy. I acknowledge that he's young and lived the life of a playboy of course. He's used to women falling for him, usually really fast too. In my hc at least, he didn't realize that this isn't like most of his "conquests" where the girls might slap him, maybe yell at him, and he'll be able to just leave. It doesn't CLICK in his head that Narnia isn't just a girl to him, she's not a stranger, she's the other half to the duo they make.

He's not used to long-term, meaningful relationships. I mean of course, he had the girl that eventually got married to someone else. But otherwise? Most of his relationships were short. So he doesn't fully understand what it means to kiss a girl, to tell her she means something to him, to show her beautiful views. He's used to them falling for his charms, it's just the next step to him, he forgets that this isn't a stranger.

And of course, Narnia gets angry at this. As she should be, she knows her damn worth. Can I just say I love how the writer made her angry by the way? She does dumb stuff, throwing away the necklace along with the ribbon into the ocean because of course she's fucking hurt. Her anger and sadness mixed together. The way she later yells at Ezio about how it's not just about the necklace, which just highlights how much Ezio Doesn't understand. (I just realized I can use italics.) I'm in tears, man.

At this point, I like to imagine that he never really knew what it felt like to be yelled at, not by someone he considers close to him. Not like this at least. Or more importantly, for his actions to hurt someone he cares about. He's hurt women in the past before, but someone like Narnia? Who's gone through the same hell he's been going through? Who went through the same losses? I think he's taken her for granted at this point, so hurting her must have felt strange at the very least.

I don't think he understands that it wasn't his "charms" that made her love him. It took time and trust and shared baggage, building that care. So something as trivial as a kiss might have been to him was a huge fucking leap of faith for her. She literally mentions it in the earlier chapters, that she like what she has with Ezio. They're friends, not lovers. Closer than lovers. They're a pair. So that kiss was a HUGE risk. To love him was a huge risk.

So fucking IMAGINE. After YEARS of being together. She thinks she might actually be special to him. He didn't immediately try to fuck her. He likes hanging out with her. There's signs of an actual long term relationship that might bloom out of this. AND THEN HE FUCKS A GIRL BEHIND THE BUILDING. Not only that, but there's another girl who comes by and he says she's his next CONQUEST???

EXCUSE ME THE FUCK???

No wonder she's fucking mad. AND YOU'RE TELLING ME THEY GET TOGETHER AFTER THIS? HONEY.

But to be fair, she's in a whole different city. Unfamiliar, can't kill, basically wanted by so many people. She's basically trapped here now with Ezio, the person she trusted and broke her heart.

"I want to go home."

Girl. I felt that. It really does just feel like she has nowhere to go. She can't run away to be alone. She's stuck with Ezio. I feel like the home she talks about is the one back with Mario and Claudia, because they care about her, she cares about them, and it's a familiar place that's home to her.

But at the same time, at least in my hc, she means the home she's from, before she got isekai'd and lost her memories. She just doesn't know. That might just be me tho, cause it doesn't exactly make sense. It'd be cool if I was right tho.

Anyways, after this, I just want Ezio to hurt. I want him to have a woman in his bed and have it feel wrong. I want him to have this realization that he fucked up. I want him to realize he loves her and that he's doing her WRONG. I feel like at this stage, he needs to lose things to understand what he has/had. I want him to lose Narnia and beg to get her back. Hell, I want Narnia to get a lover herself and have Ezio feel the fucking pain he caused her. Is that toxic? Oh absolutely, but I'm a petty bitch. I want him to have protected another woman, and have Narnia be critically hurt because of it. Maybe it would've been a rational decision, because Narnia is more capable of fighting than the average woman, but still. I want him to make a choice that hurts her and have him feel the overwhelming dread as he watches her blood spill out, her skin be scarred, her voice to scream. I want that shit to haunt him. I think something somewhat similar does actually happen, but it's not as intense so. lol. I forgot how exactly they made up after this, but I'll find out when I continue reading lol.

And some closing things I want to mention before I post and forget about this bullshit. THIS STORY'S A SLOWBURN Y'ALL. As in they don't get together within 10 chapters. It's actually fucking great! They don't just confess and get together, there's complications and Narnia hesitates and everything!!! AAAAAA It makes me so happy!! Because I just love it when things ACTUALLY take it slow. Hell, I can understand it. I've had my fair share of experiences and god, it's rare that a relationship is better than a friendship. Ugh. So I can totally relate to Narnia here. And it makes me cry.

And finally, to the author. I'm copy pasting what I wrote in the vent channel in discord in tears to my friend but:

stranger, you have no idea how much your work you made literally 12-14 years ago means to me. what it meant to me as a kid. what it means to me today even. i hope that you understand the absolute fucking. talent. the insane ability you have to create a world and make beautiful emotions erupt through words alone. i hope you always have confidence in your own ability. i hope you love yourself. i hope you live a life full of wonder and love for the world around you and that you enjoy the little things. live a blessed life. i fucking owe you a part of my childhood. even if its not a huge part, it is one that i love a lot.

and that's about it. give the fic a read if you guys like. no pressure if y'all don't like it like I do, but totally let me know if you guys did :) i'll see you guys next time I get overly emotional about something. bye :3

[nyaomeeent]

I was daydreaming of being touched while drinking water & some went down the wrong pipe. I barely finished my drink without sputtering, but there was a fit of coughing right after

I could hear her mocking me, telling me she could see the moment I fucked up and was amused at my suffering. I retort, filling the space with theatrics, "so you're just gonna lay there and watch me suffer? I'm not sure I wanna lay back down if this is how I'm treated"

Her laugh fills my ears as I watch her smile, she looks so cute despite the unfavorable lighting. But I slowly realize that the lighting might be favoring me so, using that, I close in and lean over her from the bedside.

With her back against the mattress and my hands at either side of her, I fill her field of view. I go to speak, but can't find words and silently communicate to her. Showing her my playful annoyance at her mocking, but overall feeling enamored by the view.

Her expression changes and matches the energy of mine. I lean in for a kiss and watch her tilt up for me and, right as our lips brush, like feathers falling past each other in the wind, I pull away and grin. "Oh, sorry~ I just really shouldn't since I need to sleep more for work"

She pouts and whines, hitting my thigh through my sweatpants, but I move to straddle her as her hand pulls back, filling her vision once again. This time, I meet her eyes with a hungry smile and, once I see the surprise leave her eyes as readiness enter, I take a kiss. Starting light and getting firmer & firmer

Soon, we're messy & out of breath, light moans escaping from the kiss as her hands pace across my skin. Her finger catches on the band of my sports bra and I reluctantly separate from her lips, "Okay okay, I know, I wanna too, but I actually have to sleep, I just needed a kiss"

I sit on her thighs and pull her hands onto mine as I listen to her response. She knows I need to sleep, but she knows I'll struggle to fall back asleep anyway, so we might as well do more

It's hard to respond when her hands won't stop exploring hips, especially when I know she's right, but I should at least try to sleep, right?

I lean over her again and touch our noses, "Look, I-I shouldn't, I should at least try to sleep, c'mon"

I give her a quick peck when she suddenly, firmly, gropes my ass. The willpower I was using to try to sleep was already incredibly weak, so her expression of lust made me lose my focus as I dropped from my hand to my elbow

All to get a better angle to get a single grind against her

But I can't stop at just one

"Hold on, just.. just a lil bit" and I continue to press aginst her. Pleasure creating sparks in my mind as I feel my core heat up

Her hands make me feel hot and her lips on my neck drag the stabile ground out from underneath my breaths. It feels so so good and I want more, but it's so so far away from my shift's start time and I know it, so I round my back to make some space, "Okay okay, I'm gonna crash during work if I sta-" and suddenly her teeth sink into me and a moan bursts past my lips

The space I made is suddenly filled as her hand slides straight past my waistband. Her hand surrounds my heat and my pleasure is finally, completely in her control

Stroking, rubbing, squeezing, and tapping, she drops me to my elbow once again. My breathing is shaky and my vision is unfocused, but she's pleasing me and that's all I need to feel

The tips of her fingers keep finding my weak spot as she tap tap taps away and my hips can't help but buck. I haven't been able to stop telling her how she's making me feel, but this is something I need more of, so I finally make a request "May I lay on my back please?~"

She must've been waiting for this, because she gives me permission immediately and, once I've laid down, she's all over me with renewed fervor. My words of pleasure were encouragement before, but now they're nothing but begging for more

I want to cum for her so bad ♡

[trickster-shi]

Project Updates 3/13/24

So, I just realized that I haven't done Music Rec Monday in a couple weeks and my last Project Update post was...middle of February?

In my defense, IRL work has been horribly stressful. My workload tripled and I am still trying to get out from under it. Managing that has been a not so walk in the park. More like I got bulled over and never did make it back up on my feet.

But this week is a good week because I have the entire week off work. It kinda snuck up on me, what with the never ending stress and all, so I was incredibly happy to leave work on Friday and not look back.

Project Zander

Word Count: 6,797 for Chapter 4

I just completed chapter four last night and sent it off to my beta readers. This chapter felt like pulling teeth but, per one beta reader, it's the best chapter so far. I guess because the first three chapters were more introductory to each of the trio and this one actually gave them some downtime between the Horrors so they could actually mesh together.

Plus, I threw one of the characters off a cliff. That was pretty fun. And Zander finally had enough quiet time for the Horrors to sneak up on him and give him a panic attack, which he handled in true Zander fashion. That is, he turned it all into anger and vowed that if he couldn't keep Darius and Elivia safe, then he'd burn the entire world down in their wake.

He's such a dramatic little shit, I love writing him.

However, despite the fun parts, the overall writing was hard, but with all the above stress I guess that's probably why. To me, writing this chapter felt not only disjointed but also like pulling teeth. I had the middle scene already written before chapter three was done, so it was scene 1 and 2 that I had to focus on. I wrote them both so piecemeal that it was hard to feel like any of it was cohesive.

But apparently it turned out that way, so that's a win.

I had hoped to really hit the chap hard over the weekend but I actually didn't get around to writing it until today. The weekend was for grocery shopping, resting, and planning out the week. Monday, I sat down with every intention of finishing the chapter. Instead, I ended up playing in Wonderdraft all day and made a pretty kickass map for Project Zander, so I'm still counting that as a work day. At least now I have a nice visual for where everything is instead of *random direction* that way.

No new words written on the fanfic front, though I've done a lot of daydreaming about the current projects between stress attacks. Now that chapter four of Zander is done, I want to take some time and write on the fanfics the rest of the week so I can make progress there. I'm not promising any of them will get finished enough to post by the end of my break, but I endeavor to get a good chunk written for several of them.